Rejection as a Doorway

Rejection as a Doorway

A student messaged me the other day with a question about rejection:

“Hey Rick, I was wondering if you’re open to give me some feedback on how to navigate rejection. I’m having such a hard time with this recently and wondering how not to shrink down in the face of rejection.”

Here is part of my reply:

“Good morning.  Thank you for reaching out. I'm sorry you're going through a rejection right now. I notice feeling a lot of compassion for you, and sense the delicacy of your state and the vulnerability of your question.  I am moved to respond, to meet your heart with mine.

Here’s something that I’ve been exploring, that you might consider.

Instead of trying not to shrink, perhaps you can focus on consciously shrinking.  Notice the young and tender part of you that feels hurt, mad, scared, sad.  And stay with her, bring breath and tenderness to her, as she shrinks.  Let her know that you will be with her regardless, and that even if she feels small and alone, she's not alone, because you are with her.  So the two of you (you and your young tender part) can go through the shrinking together....

Inner authority doesn't mean not shrinking. It just means staying with yourself, as best as you can, as the shrinking happens.  And the shrinking does happen, at least from time to time, as we are humans, and rejection can sting deeply.  So rather than fight the pain and the hurt and the feeling of wanting to hide under the covers, we can let ourselves feel all of it, and even hide under the covers for a while, as we breathe in gentleness with our small and tender parts.”

More and more, I am noticing all experiences, especially the “negative” ones, as treasure hunts to our own hearts.  They are messengers from ourselves to ourselves, offering reminders for softness, breath, and kindness.